As I sit here writing this blog from my hotel room in Cardiff, Wales, I opened an email regarding parenting and our children. It couldn't of come at a more opportune time.
I am traveling across the UK for eight days with my husband and two sons. The purpose of the trip is visiting universities that my older son has been accepted into, but we are also making it a family adventure so my 9 yr. old will have fun as well.
Well, wouldn't you know it. My 9 yr old has a major case of the nerves and what if's, and has been throwing up ever since the first flight from Austin. This is not his first time to leave home, but when I tell you this is making me dig DEEP for patience, it is not an understatement.
We cannot figure out for the life of us why he is such a nervous nelly, but we are doing our best to encourage bravery, confidence and adventure. As we take off today on a long car trip across Wales and England on our way to Scotland, one can only be prepared with a large bag for throw ups and fingers crossed for luck.
Which brings me to my post about what I have been reading about our children and their confidence.
Despite what many parents would like to believe, self-confidence is predominantly a learned skill as opposed to an inherited trait. As such, your job is to guide your kiddos in developing and honing this all-important life skill, and it’s really never too early to start.
From the time your child is just a baby, you can begin to provide support and encouragement that can help form the foundation of confidence. Child development experts agree that there’s a critical period between ages one and eight in which the blueprint for a child’s self-esteem is formed. Therefore, those early years should not be overlooked. Such milestones as your baby turning the page of her board book, your toddler brushing his own teeth, your preschooler tying her own shoes or making her bed all present opportunities to acknowledge your child’s achievement and encourage him to tackle another challenge, which only helps build confidence.
Instead, make sure to praise your child for who she is in any given moment. This helps children develop a strong sense of self that’s able to handle whatever life throws at them.
Here are some ideas from the email I received for how to create an atmosphere that cultivates confidence:
-Give your child lots of opportunity to practice. If you do everything for your child she’ll never have the chance to try new things and gain the trust in her own abilities.
-Give your child space to try something without trying to intervene—it’s OK if he makes mistakes, it’s OK if he makes a mess, it’s certainly OK if it’s not perfect! By standing on the sidelines, you send a strong message that you trust in his ability.
-Don’t let your child give up too easily. Encourage persistence when your child gets frustrated—by trying again, kids learn a valuable lesson that obstacles can be overcome.
-Model confidence yourself. Children are sponges, which means they are taking in how you behave. If you have to work to develop your own self-confidence skills, there’s no better time than the present, as your child will only benefit from witnessing these positive traits in you.
Remember, while it is tempting to want your child to be immediately anchored in the world with a feeling of confidence, patience on our part is critical to the equation. This one skill that requires time, concerted effort and most of all, mindfulness.
A great resource is :
Growing Happy Kids — http://www.growinghappykids.com/
So, after reading my email and writing this post, I realize my part in all of this is to keep my patience, let my son know it is perfectly o.k. to feel the way he does and encourage him to talk about what it is that scares him.
If all else fails? Ship him home to his grandparents and go on our merry ways. Just kidding, well maybe.:)
To your health and happy travels,
Sandra
